Expecting In A World Gone Mad

I’m pregnant.

I am not the best when it comes to announcing things like this and neither is my husband. I’m pretty sure he still hasn’t told his employer yet and I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. I’ve never felt comfortable announcing things such as this. I don’t care for attention and I am sensitive to those who have been struggling to conceive. But the biggest reason for my inability to shout, “I’m pregnant!” from the rooftops? What the hell kind of a world am I bringing a human into? It isn’t something I am taking lightly.

I am of “advanced maternal age”. I believe it used to be called “geriatric pregnancy”. Isn’t that nice. There is a reason for our decision to have a child later. For one it didn’t happen instantly, but I also hesitated for a while because I wasn’t sure it was right. I never questioned if Chris or I were fit to be parents. Never. It’s society and the state of the world that made me think twice. We are over-populated, we overly and mindlessly consume finite resources without thinking twice about it, our water is polluted, our soil is polluted, our air is polluted, our food is poisoned, land is being destroyed for development faster than I can keep up, we hate each other, perpetual war seems to have become acceptable. Should I keep going? Why would anyone want to bring an innocent life into this world? 

I was told once the fact I care about these things is exactly why I should be having a kid. “We need more people like you to have kids so things can change.” I appreciate the sentiment, but this is a David vs Goliath situation. What if we successfully raise an empathetic, aware, mindful human, respectful of the natural world? How many of their peers will feel the same? Will society still manage to destroy our best efforts of raising a conscientious human? Is it too late to try? When will we break the cycle?

I’m not having a human because I feel I should. I’m not having one so we have someone to take care of us when we are older. I would never expect that. I’m bringing a human into this world because I believe my husband and I are ready to raise someone to do the right thing and maybe, just maybe, help society. But even if they go on to care, they can’t do it alone. We can’t expect their generation to be the ones to fix the mess we have created. What an incredible burden to leave behind! We are too far gone. It’s our responsibility to change things and it needs to start now.